Friday, August 17, 2012


Stephen Fry - All about I (What I wish I knew when I was 18)

Close encounters of the leeky kind

I'm wearing a skirt.
Walk down the street with a freshly purchased leek loosely held in my hand.
I pass a group of men, hanging out on a street corner.
They cheer, jeer and whistle approvingly in regards to my leek-handling qualities.

Guess it's *that* time of year again....


Thursday, August 16, 2012

Glory on April 2nd

On the morning of April 2nd, Greg woke up with a massive hangover.
He had no memory of what he had done the night before, although intermixed with his morning-after-nausea were little snippets, images.
Images of him dancing on top of a table, squishing a cat, and sticking Lego's up his nose.
With his eyes barely open that last image made a particular impact on him.
Were there Lego's up his nose?
Was that why he was feeling so groggy?
Without moving the rest of his body, he slowly lifted his right hand and touched his nose with utmost care.
No hard little bits there.
Bloody hell...
He uttered a sigh of relief.
"That's the last time, you tosser", he muttered under his breath while he sat up slowly, the world spinning before him.
Then he realized what day it was.
He jumped up, and almost instantly dropped back down again.
Landing on the bed with a muffled thud.
"Too quick...toooo....quick..."
His legs were made of jelly and his head clearly had other plans.
But he had to get out.

He rolled himself towards the edge of the bed, lowered his limp body off the side onto the floor, dragging part of his stained duvet with him.
Life was moving in slow-motion.
He then proceeded to roll his body towards the door across a floor strewn with dirty socks, sneakers, an empty soda can, a half eaten kebab sandwich and three cigarettes in a plastic cup.
By the time he reached the door he looked even groggier than when he just woke.
Dragging his body across the threshold like a man who just reached an oasis after a week without water in the scorching desert, he made it to the other side.
"Yeah" he muttered, nauseous and breathless, before opening the door to the bathroom and dragging himself into the shower.
His head now pounding ferociously.

The icy water of the shower made his body twitch.
After sitting in the shower for a few minutes, he turned the tap off and proceeded to peel off his now soaked clothes.
There was no time to waste.
He got to his feet and swaggered his naked body towards the hall closet.
It had to be done.

Scratching his bare bottom and letting out a wail of inner pain he opened the closet door.
A beam of light streamed out, as it illuminated what hung inside:

A glorious pair of rocketship undies.

He slipped the underwear on.
They fit him like a glove.
It felt good.

He was ready.
Touching his rocketship-undie covered ass, he immediately noticed the power that emanated from them.
His demeanor had changed.
Gone was the nausea.
Gone were the images of squished cats and Lego nosebleeds.
Gone were his jelly legs.

It was April 2nd.
He was Rocketship Underwear Man.
He needed to fulfill his mission of climbing onto the rooftop and stare meaningfully into the far distance.
Hair flopping in the wind, sun fiddling with his bare chest, one leg bent, eyes fixed.
It was written.
His destiny.
So he did.

(for the fans of Rocketship Underwear Snippet Man, *wink!*)

Saturday, August 11, 2012

In May I wrote a blog about my wonderful grandfather's struggle with Parkinson's decease.
He has since passed.
A month to the day after I wrote that blog post.

To say it was intense would be an understatement.
We sat by his bed for a week, seeing his diminishing body fight against the inevitable.
Whenever nobody was around I would talk to him, update him on my plans for the future, on what was going on around him, and reminisce about precious moments we shared, and stories he told me.
He lay there, still, sleeping, fighting with his every breath.
It was a week of goodbyes.

He had one instance of clarity a few days before he passed away; on an instance when my aunt told him again that I had come to visit, he suddenly opened his eyes, smiled and  reached out for me. I cuddled him, gave him a kiss and immediately called the rest of the family. We then had a very special few minutes together, where everybody talked to him in turns to let him know they were there. It was beautiful, excruciating and very emotional, but we all fought against the tears because we wanted it to be a happy moment for him. After that he slipped into a coma, that got deeper and deeper as the days progressed.

Then....his breathing stopped.

He was gone

I've always thought he was an amazing person, not just because he was my grandfather, but because he had a way of touching people's hearts.
Everybody loved him.
It was never more apparent than at his funeral, where people he had known years before came to pay their respects, alongside family and friends. The stories they told were as beautiful as he had been.
As he still is.

If he knew I've devoted several posts to him he'd chuckle, wave it away and say "Ah, but why would you want to do that? Nobody wants to know about me, I just did what I felt was right."
Yes, you did, abuelo.
And for that, I will be eternally grateful.
I might share some of his stories with you sometime, they are truly remarkable, but for now I just want to say:

Much love, for ever and ever and ever.....

(took this picture the day of his funeral)

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

...but it ain't nothin' without a woman or girl

I've never spectacularly landed a probe on Mars that looks like Wall-e, but I do know this....

There's women and then there's girls.
Some girls are women from the moment they look down and see there's two pea-sized bumps under their Powerpuff Girls shirt. And some girls stay girls, even if they're 95 years old, have 36 grandchildren, one on the way, 12 great grandchildren, two dogs and a canary.

Mia Farrow, she's a girl.
Brooke Shields, she's a woman.
Natalie Portman is a girl, altho she has a dash of woman, but the girl is dominant so: girl.
Marilyn Monroe, was a woman.

It's a strange phenomenon that's very hard to pinpoint, because what is it exactly that makes a girl a girl and a woman a woman.
In the olden days people used to say "ah, if you give birth, then you're a woman".
But are you?
Are you really?

In my opinion being a woman or a girl doesn't have anything to do with giving birth, nor with crows-feet, nor with grey hair, menopause, how fat or skinny you are, if you're wearing heels or not,  or whether you're trotting behind a zimmerframe.
It's, I dunno...a vibe, a certain je ne sais quoi.

I'm definitely a girl.
Not because I'm immature or stupid (well, ok, sometimes, but then; who isn't?! Live a little!).
It's because when I get up in the morning my hair doesn't look like it's been delicately windswept by a storybook sea-breeze into a nonchalant yet charming coiffure. Because even if I put on a super glamorous dress and Jimmy Choos I look a little goofy. Because I'm the kind of girl who sits at a bus stop and all the old people snuggle up against me and tell me about their poodles and their collection crocheted finger caps. Because even when I'm 95 I'll still be watching Batman movies and wearing sneakers (altho I could do that if I was a woman too...but...putting it out there anyways)
It suits me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, next time you're on a bus, staring at the passengers eye the people of the female persuasion and try to figure out: "Is that lady with the brand new cat litter box, a women, or a girl?"
And if you are one: what would you consider yourself to be? (^_-)