More o' dat!

I've recently come to the realization that for some nutty reason I always manage to view "the" movie I need to see in a particular time or place.

This mainly occurs when I go to the movies alone, and when I'm some sort of inner turmoil, be it because of rumblings, writers-block, the shaping moment of brilliant ideas...or life changing situations and journeys.

It's especially poignant because I go to the movies A LOT.

Seriously, if it were up to me I'd do film marathons every other day.

That's because films are sorta my brainfood, I guess...films and music.

(yeah, you've seen me blip like a maniac, you know what I mean)

But that doesn't mean that every mouthful of film or music I devour leave a lasting impression...

At least not one that I consider to be ultra-inspiring and boosting and..."oh my gawd I needed to see that movie!"

Needless to say, after I saw Drive earlier this evening, I just HAD to walk home (took me little over an hour) with some pumping music on my headphones, while in my head I glued words together and composed scenes.

After which I ran to my computer at home and wrote, wrote, wrote, wrote, wrote, wrote, wrote....well, you get the drift...

I could seriously just kiss that movie...

There's so much lushness about it that I can't even begin to explain it without getting mush, overly excited in more ways than one, and ultra analytical, so I won't.

Also Beginners was beautifully wonderful in so many other ways...

I've already written blogs and a myriad of tweets about some of the movies that made a lasting impression, others I've kept to myself. But I'm very happy to report that although the world is in crisis, and there's horrible things going on out there, that there's still films being made that inspire, that boost, that touch, that delight, that rock.my.world.

More o' dat!

(^_-)

Ghost in a shell...

I don't even know where to begin...
Maybe it's here: I'm currently writing a story about my grandfather.
This isn't it.
But it's about him.

He was our rock.
But now he's a mere shadow of himself.
He's here, but he isn't.

My grandfather has Parkinson.

And altho it might seem kinda jolly, the initial shakes, and Michael J. Fox manages to rock it like no other, it's no jolly decease.
It affects the whole body, and slowly but steadily little bits and pieces stop working the way they should. (if you want to know details: please google it, I dont' want to fully get into it)

About 6 weeks ago I went over to see him and my gran, over the weekend.
Booked a flight and went.
It was the best decision I've ever made.
Because I got to still see him, go for walks with him, fight with him over who would pay for ice cream, laugh at jokes and talk about life.

He was already in a far worse state than when I had seen him over X-mas, so that shocked me.
But he was still there...

Now...
6 weeks later...
My grandfather is a mere shadow of who he was...
He doesn't remember where his bedroom is, or how to go about doing the things he normally does.
And his eyes are glazed over.
He's been very very sick the last couple of weeks.
And increasingly more disconnected.

But today...
Today he remembered that he promised me to tell my mom a joke he told me when I was with him 6 weeks ago....

I can't begin to tell you how emotional that makes me.
The best gift ever.
The best.

I love him so much,
and it's so horrible to see him like this.
For the past few weeks I haven't been myself.
I can't help worry about him.
Think about him.
It tears me apart.
So, sorry if I haven't been very communicative of late...I just don't know where to begin...

Lost

I guess that the weirdest things in life are its contradictions.

Like feeling painfully lonely in a crowded room.

Feeling older or younger than you are.

Or feeling lost, when you never physically got lost in the first place.

How do you explain such a thing to somebody who's experiencing the opposite?

How do you say to somebody in a crowded room, that you're feeling lonely?

And how do you tell the world you're feeling lost, when you're there.

I guess this could be one way....

It

too

shall

pass

Lurking Lurks

No matter where you are in the world,

there's always men lurking on street corners.

And there's always street corners for men to lurk on.

Some cities seem to be purposely built for lurking.

Like they've made lurking a local gold medal sport.

Do they time their lurks, I wonder?

Do they plan them?

Or does it just pop up; "hmm, think I might go lurk tonite"

Lurkers come in all ages, sizes and heights.

There's midget lurkers, and giant lurkers.

Lurkers with long overcoats.

Lurkers with cigarettes.

Lurkers that whisper dirty somethings when you pass.

Lurkers that glare silently.

There's even lurkers shivering in the rain.

Girls don't lurk tho, they wait.

Smile me a River

Just saw The Kings Speech.

It made me smile so broadly I cried.

Not because of the storyline, the music or whatever,

but because he got it right.

Colin Firth got it right.

So right that it almost feels like it was the part he was made for.

As an actress, and especially as somebody who loves film as much as sunshine and the air that I breathe, seeing somebody perform their perfect part is one of the rare, but true and utter joys in life.

(and I don't care if you don't agree in regards to this character, it's enough for me to know that it did have that effect on me)

It's the reason why I see myriads of movies and go to masses of plays; to have the honor to be present some day when somebody has their moment of perfect performance.

Perfection isn't in well articulated, seamlessly performed characters, it's in character-performances that have so much soul it just hurts to watch them. Wether the character is a lovable king or a distraught teenager, or a violent murderer.

Somehow the actor manages to enter that zone within themselves that permits them to give a character so much life it touches the audience in their core.

Even if it's an audience of one.

(as was my case)

On the way home I savored this moment.

Tasted it like I was a kid tasting a piece of candy for the first time.

And it made me intensely happy.

I should be so lucky to one day be able to create even a snippet of that moment for somebody, through something I do. It would be the greatest honor ever.

As it is the greatest honor to experience such a moment as a viewer.

For some reason it made me think back at when I was a kid,

and saw River Phoenix perform for the first time.

His acting was so honest and real that it had huge impact on me.

Of course I couldn't really put my finger on it, back then, I just knew that unlike other girls I didn't have the hots for him (of course I did think he was hot, and cute, duh!) it was more than that...I was in awe because of how he did what he did. Not because he had a cute face.

I longed to be able to perform like he could...

Needless to say, when he died it was one of the saddest moments in my life, it felt like loosing a brother. Or like I call it; my big-brother-actor.

That's kinda the feeling I just got from Colin Firth:

he might not have made the best choices in movies since playing the infamous Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, and he might not be the likeliest of candidates to evoke such thoughts and especially such a moment, but I was so incredible proud of him when I saw him in this movie, oh boy, did I feel proud and overjoyed and....well...I will not throw a cacophony of words your way to describe what I felt...

Happy.

I was just very very happy.

So, I bow deeply towards River and Colin and the other wonderful actors that I've had the immense pleasure to feel inspired and overjoyed by, and thank you.

From the bottom of my heart.

And I don't care if I sound like a soppy sap whilst doing it.

Beauty is in the heart of the nutty lover, innit?

(^_-)

New Year

“Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!

...This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”

-William Arthur Ward-